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Post by livenowpraylater on Aug 30, 2015 20:13:51 GMT
I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.
Ned.
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Post by livenowpraylater on Aug 30, 2015 20:25:02 GMT
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?. One is really heavy,. the other is a little lighter.
Ned.
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Post by andybrennan on Aug 30, 2015 20:39:37 GMT
Hi Ned
Good to see you are back on form.
Andy
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Post by livenowpraylater on Sept 2, 2015 11:27:45 GMT
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really g ood with the kids.' __________________________________________ An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
Ned.
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Post by livenowpraylater on Sept 2, 2015 11:32:25 GMT
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!'
Ned.
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Post by livenowpraylater on Dec 2, 2015 18:40:51 GMT
The Blonde.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little white Audi TT and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The Policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has your picture on it.’
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ‘OK, you can go. I didn’t realise you were a cop…’
Ned.
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Post by livenowpraylater on Feb 27, 2016 15:37:34 GMT
Irish Compassion....
Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston,
The lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful
announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
“Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm so very sorry,
but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up
by our catering service.
I don't know how this has happened,
but we have 103 passengers on board,
and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.”
“I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”
When the muttering of the passengers had died down,
she continued,
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal
so that someone else can eat will receive free,
unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.”
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.”
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Post by livenowpraylater on Aug 2, 2016 22:07:37 GMT
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him, “Where am I ?” The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back, "You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there."
Ned
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Post by livenowpraylater on Aug 6, 2016 0:08:12 GMT
I came out of the chip shop with a meat & potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man, sitting there, said, “I've not eaten for two days.” I told him, “I wish, I had your will power!”
Ned
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Post by andybrennan on Aug 7, 2016 22:37:09 GMT
Hi Ned Wicked sense of humour, but as you say, clean stuff. How is the health, good I hope. Andy
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Post by livenowpraylater on Aug 8, 2016 15:12:18 GMT
I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question,----which I got wrong. The question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair ?" Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.
Ned.
Just goes to show Andy how wrong you can be.
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Post by andybrennan on Aug 8, 2016 22:05:42 GMT
Hi Ned yep Fiji correct answer, depending on the mind
Andy
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Post by andybrennan on Aug 8, 2016 22:07:32 GMT
Ned must have being hard for the land owner to flog the land, reducing you to growing the veggies in a window box.
take care Andy
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Post by livenowpraylater on Aug 9, 2016 9:09:31 GMT
Window box ? Andy
Ned.
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Post by livenowpraylater on Aug 9, 2016 9:17:56 GMT
Fiji was the last race I thought of, Africans come to mind, seen more of them
Ned.
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