|
Post by livenowpraylater on Dec 31, 2014 1:17:47 GMT
Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Jan 5, 2015 0:46:20 GMT
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Jan 5, 2015 0:51:29 GMT
A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, d**n it," he proclaims, "Some as*hole has my pen!"
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Jan 27, 2015 14:42:19 GMT
Voice mail ---------
Kelly walks into the pub and sees Murphy talking into an envelope.
Kelly says what you doin Murphy.
Murphy says i'm sending me ould pal Seamus in Kerry a voice mail.
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by punkrocker on Jan 28, 2015 19:18:02 GMT
My wife said she's ruined her diet, she had some eggs for breakfast. Scrambled or fried I asked , cadburys she replied!!!
|
|
|
Post by afcmoore on Jan 29, 2015 23:04:35 GMT
Hi Ned. Keeping an eye on you in case you get smutty. Them jokes put a smile both sides of my face. Keep up the :Dgood work. Ant.
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Feb 9, 2015 16:04:21 GMT
One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving.
when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I bang my bishop on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!.
" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his tallywhacker and whacked it three times on the bedpost.
His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?".
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Feb 9, 2015 18:10:02 GMT
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by kellquinn on Feb 13, 2015 12:23:10 GMT
Hi all There the good wife was, sitting back last night reading 50 shades of grey and I busy studying form for the Dundalk meeting tonight, she calls my name and with a glint in her eye, she says "by the way that back garden wall needs painting". Wonder was it the name of the book that reminded her?.Hope you all have a Great Valentine's day tomorrow, me I will be busy painting the wall. Regards to all JoeyK
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Feb 15, 2015 0:22:35 GMT
In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that “all the other girls were using their arms.”
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by johnny1951 on Feb 19, 2015 19:49:24 GMT
AT training tonight when the kids were going through their routines, when the coach looked up and saw 2 players not doing hard sprints and when asked as to what was the problem, that they were not training one ckeeky chappie looked up at the coach and said ""we have given up hard training for Lent" Johnny
|
|
|
Post by punkrocker on Feb 22, 2015 13:02:25 GMT
My wife spent hours in the bathroom getting ready to go out. When the door finally swung open she said "be honest, do I look fat in this?" I replied "yes love... but to be fair its only a small bathroom".
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Mar 11, 2015 11:58:16 GMT
What's the difference between a Sewing machine & a woman running.
A Sowing machine has only one bobbin.
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Apr 26, 2015 20:47:54 GMT
couldn't see the funny side.
Ned.
|
|
|
Post by livenowpraylater on Jun 11, 2015 9:35:06 GMT
There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295. GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?” BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.' I trust this clears up any confusion. Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.
Ned.
|
|