Post by livenowpraylater on Dec 24, 2011 12:48:51 GMT
yes andy, doin fine thank you, and all who wished me well, it's just the walkin bit and the speeech now.
my wife rose has been telling me for the last 40 odd years that she will never understand me. so nothing changed there haha.
UNA, my daughter understands me perfectley, she deals wit all sorts of different nationalites on a day to day basis. i dont use a stick now. still got some of my stammer i used to have when i was growing up after about 50 years , but it's going bit by bit,
Went into a jewlers yesterday asked a young chap for a watch, he says "analouge" i said no just the watch.
Went into the pub to get a drink, said to the barman "still orange please" just then the phone rang and he answered it, when he finished the call, he sais to me "still orange sir" still orange says i, i havnt changed my mind.
came home and told the wife i got a job at the bowling ally, she says "tenpin"? i said no "permnant".
went to the pet shop , i said "can i buy a gold fish?" the guy said 'do you want an aquarium' i sais ' dont care what signe it is'.
this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapims on the A5, it was a turtle disaster.
my uncle Jimmy went down to the pub every saturday night for at least 45 years , this night he put on his coat as usual, an the we woman said hang on im going too, he helped her on with her coat, off they went, in they go an barman fred said same as usual yea says jimmy, we sally thumps the counter an said i will have the same, two pints an two whisky chasers up on the counter, Jimmy downs his an the we woman follows suit. she pulls a face most contorted, my god she says how can you come down here every saturday night and drink this vile stuff, ay'e sasy Jimmy an theres you sitting at home thinking im down here enjoying my self.
these are not jokes , i promised i wouldn't tell any more, so lets say they are life's experiances.
here is a bit of fun you can have with grand children or grown up's,,, ask this question ? a bus driver pulles up at his first stop and picks up 10 people next stop picks up 7 an drops 4 an so on droping off an picking up after they have done thier addin an takin away ( this is the sting in the tail ) ask how many bus stops the bus driver stopped at, because you have not as yet asked a question ,, now you can sit back and enjoy. post how much fun you have had. edward.
Re: A Little bit of Festive Mirth (clean)stuff Hi all A true story told to a young family whose father was as tight fisted with the cash, in the lead up to Christmas the father( Scrouge)having heard all the childrens requests for toys for christmas put all the kids into the car and headed off to the National stud, and low and behold he took them over to a small grave stone which had this inscription on it. Here lies the body of Santa Claus, and then with the kids eyes welling up with tears the Father announced christmas is finished as Santy is gone. bye for now. Johnny
Post by livenowpraylater on Dec 24, 2011 14:52:36 GMT
JJ ,, the saying mad as a hatter story is correct , it came from the hat factory in LUTON Bedfordshire. as you say is's not known where he got that social diese , now i just though as they made all sorts and colours , did he make the BROWN one's i wonder. edward.
Post by livenowpraylater on Dec 24, 2011 15:26:59 GMT
andy,, some years ago about year dot, i was working on a building site , an the conversation turned to the fastest thing in the world. there was a fellow from Scotland, another guy was English, an there was a bloke from some where in Ireland. the fellow from england says electricty was the fastest thing in the world. well i dont think so said the guy from scotland , i think the blink of an eye is faster, you do it thousands of time a day an you dont even see it.
the bloke from ireland says i think you are all wide of the mark. i think diarrhea is the fastest thing in the world. the guy from scotland says i dont agree, why do you think that.
irish bloke says, last thursday i had diarrhea , and i had neither the time to blink my eyes or put the light on. edwaed
Re:A Little bit of Festive Mirth(Clean Stuff) Hi all in work this morning and the topic changed into sayings, and a strange one came up which goes as follows,the'Dead Ringer' It seems that this saying came about when a person whom was about to pass on into the next life, and they would request that a bell would be put inside the coffin in case they woke up and found themselves in a situation beyond their control, so they would ring the bell to get attention to their situation and be saved. hence the saying He's a dead ringer, bye for now Johnny
Post by livenowpraylater on Dec 29, 2011 10:58:39 GMT
Thank you very much Kathtyo for your good wishes, glad you seen the funny side of The Boss. (That is a true story, i promised i would tell no more jokes!.) btw , how to Co Down fans support thier team, surley they cant keeping shouting "UP DOWN" UP DOWN". or "COME ON DOWN" "COME ON DOWN". I will meet you and Eillen one of these days, now that i am on shanks pony again.
I am going to post a funny (i think it's true) story i heard some years ago .
Rool on new years day, you'll either like me or lynch me. edward.
Hi folks. An Indian went to a trading post he asked the counter hand for some toilet rolls. The counter hand said we got three kinds the 1 dollar super soft the half a dollar easy wipe . The cheapest one has no name and it costs ten cents. Right says the indian give me four rolls of no name toilet paper. The indian returns a couple of days later to the trading post. He says to the counter hand i have thought of a name for the no name toilet paper. The name is John Wayne Its rough tough and takes no cr==p from indians. Ant.
Post by livenowpraylater on Dec 31, 2011 18:46:15 GMT
This is a story told to me in the summer of 1967 when i meet a young girl in a park in Southall Middx, she was in a wheelchair. so no brick bats please.
============================================== one day a faith healer came to town, started into his speech about what a good faith healer he is, he asked for voulenteers to come foward.
a man went up on two crutches, the faith healer asked him whappened to him, bad accident he replied, doctors have done all they can do, this is it for the rest of my life, ok said the faith healer, come to the village stream at three o clock.
a fellow goes up an he has his right arm all twisted up and back to front an was usless to him, asked why it was like that, he said it i was born like it, same thing again come to the stream at three o clock.
then next up was a girl in a wheelechair, and whats happened to you young lady, struck down with polio she replied, faith healersays i am not making any gaurantee's but come to the village stream at three o clock.
three o clock came and there was a big crowd, some came to watch and gawp others cane to be cured of thier ailments. the faith healer was there on his soapbox,.
ok said the faith healer to the man with the bad leg , go into the stream an half way across throw your crutches away an watch them float away, keep your hips below the water , get out of the stream under your own power you cannot except any help,
off he went an done as instructed got out the far side an his leg was perfect , he got a football an started kicking it about.
the fellow with the gammy arm is next , go across the stream an keep yur shoulders below the water, he get out, an his arm is perfece, an started playind football with the other felow.
the girl in the wheelchair was next , all excited at what she had just seen,shouted, me next me next, ok sait the healer go across the stream an stay in your wheelchair, she carries out the order an crosses the stream, when she gets out the far side, she has two new tyres on her wheelchair. edward.
Post by livenowpraylater on Dec 31, 2011 19:59:45 GMT
dont know if this is true. ==============================================
Scotman was in wembley to support scotland V England, after the match the scot goes up to the westend of London to see the sights, as he was strooling down oxford street admiring the all the shop windows an al the skyscrapers , an american lady was going up oxford street on the oposit side, she called over oh'i jock, is it true that scots men ware nothing under thier kilt, oc'h lass come over here an put you hand up and feel for yourself, she put her hand up his kilt, o'h it's grusome she said , jock says , put ypur hand up again it's grewsome more. edward.